En Vidrio

Dan Holden's Creative Writing

Take Me One

One day, working in a hotel room, Clarissa looks up from the bed she has just made, to see a man going into a room across the hall, where a co-worker is vacuuming the floor.

The man is rough looking but very focused, clearly on a mission.  He takes off his jacket and hangs it in the hallway of the room almost without stopping. She notices he is wearing a harness of some sort across his shoulder.

He sees Clarissa out of the corner of his eye.  As she ducks out of view he turns and pauses for a second, then comes toward her and closes the hotel room door. She hears it lock.

The vacuum cleaner stops and she hears increasingly loud conversation, then screams and shuffling of furniture. She closes her door and locks it, but looks through the fish-eye security viewer.  He emerges from the room across the hall, jacket back on, throwing his hair back with his fingers.  He glances at her door across and moves toward it. He tries the lock.

From the hallway, we see that below eye level, he pulls out a silenced pistol and shoots through the door several times. He puts the pistol back in its shoulder holster and leaves, stone-faced.

Clarissa, who had slipped back to the bathroom doorway, trembles in fear as light from the hallway cascades through the holes in the door to a point across the room. She waits there for a long time before emerging.

When she can move again, she goes to the phone and calls the hotel security guard.

He comes up to the room and opens the door for her.  Seeing that she is clearly terrified he asks what has happened. She points to the room across the way, trembling too much to speak.  He opens the door and finds a bloody mess everywhere, the girl is dead on the bed with multiple gunshot wounds.

“Did you see this happen?” he asks.

“Yes, but I – not really, I-”

“What do you mean? Why didn’t you call me?”

“I – I couldn’t, it happened so fast, and he saw me!” she says.

“Are you sure?”

“I think so, that’s why he shot through my door when he came out, he was trying to kill me too!!” she screams hysterically, trembling and breaking into tears.

Author’s note: This excerpt is from a screenplay that is currently moving to final form. Please vote to let me know what you think of it.   If you are an agent or producer and you’re interested in seeing the draft, drop me a note.


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This entry was posted on October 5, 2010 by in Creative.
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